After she died, I’d catch her stuffing my nose with pine needles and oak, staring off into the shadows of early morning. Me, too jetlagged for the smells a ghost leaves behind. The tailor of histories, my mother sewed our Black Barbies and Kens Nigerian clothes, her mind so tight against the stitching, that in precision, she looked mean as hell, too. My mother’s laugh was a record skipping, so deep she left nicks in the vinyl. See? Even in death, she wants to be fable. I don’t know what fathers teach sons, but I am moving my mother to a land where grief is no longer gruesome. She loved top 40, yacht rock, driving in daylight with the wind wa-wa-ing through her cracked window like Allah blowing breath over the open bottle neck of our living. She knew ninety-nine names for God, and yet how do I remember her— as what no god could make? |
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